Turbulent Tuesdays

I'm not gonna lie, today was rough. Everything was going fine, then it got bumpy and I got completely stressed. The stressful day really made me question if this (teaching in secondary schools) is what I'm really meant to do. During lunch, I texted back and forth with Eric. I vented out all my problems and fears to him. I freaked out and told him I was thinking of changing my major, because I felt like I was failing, but he reassured me SO much. I'm so grateful for him. He helped me put things in perspective a great deal. I know he was hard at work at his own job, but he took time out of his day to help me snap out of my funk. He's great! :) Enough about my fab boyfriend, let me explain what exactly made my day rocky!

Today, my mentor teacher really didn't have a full day of activities planned. I agreed to find an article for the students to read and write a page summary over. Beyond that she wasn't sure what we would do. While she was at her morning duty, I google searched activities on Edgar Allan Poe. I found a whole lesson plan with 3 activities. One of the activities wasn't right, but the other 2 (an online scavenger hunt and a crossword puzzle) were great. I shared my findings with my mentor teacher and she agreed that we should do those. I was feeling really great about things and very on top of things. Unfortunately, my happy little teaching world came crumbling down around me when I got to the computer lab with the students and realized that 1 of the websites on the scavenger hunt was blocked and another section was WAY over the kiddos' heads (even though it shouldn't have been). Of course, seeing that there was a mistake with the assigned activity the students ran their mouths and sassed about me making a mistake. The room became chaos for 5 minutes while I tried to think of a way to fix the dilemma. Oh, let me mention that my mentor teacher was up in the classroom doing grades or something, so I was completely alone and completely freaking out in my head. I was thinking, "Oh my gosh! Where is she?! How do I fix this?!". I took a deep breath and got to work making a new plan. Finally, I figured out a solution, I altered the directions on the 2 messed up/too difficult parts. Then, I laid down the law and made it known that there would be #1 no talking, #2 no listening to music/playing games (until they finished), and #3 no moving from their seats. Amazingly, the kids got to work with hardly any arguments. Still, I was completely bummed that I floundered so much and seemed unsure and unprepared.

The second period went better, as usual. I'm not sure if this is because of the students or because I've had a chance to work out all of the kinks in my lesson with the first group. Regardless, I'm glad that the lesson went over better in the 2nd class. The day ended with my mentor teacher giving me more praise/criticism. Here's a summary of what she said...

Good Things:
-She said I carry out my lessons well and always give thorough instructions (I'm proud of this one, because basically she said I'm good at teaching haha)
-She said she's been really impressed with my how I can get stern with the kids, but still manage to keep a light, fun demeanor the rest of the time. She remarked that she was worried I would struggle with disciplining the kids. (I'm also very proud of this one, because I'm gonna be honest, I was worried about how well I could keep these knuckleheads under control)

Not So Good Things:
-She advised me to look more excited about the assignments I'm introducing. She feels that sometimes my tone and demeanor say that I'm sorta frustrated or not into what I'm assigning. This one upset me, because if you know me, you know how passionate and excited I am about teaching, so it really upsets me that I'm not portraying that.
-She also advised me to be more "culturally aware". She asked that I take into consideration what race and culture my students come from before chastising them, because apparently some cultures find certain methods "disrespectful". I'm not completely sold on this bit of advice. I do not believe standing by a child's desk and correcting them in a firm tone is "disrespectful". However, I do acknowledge that she has more experience than I do, so I will take this into consideration when working with my students in the future.

Obviously, the criticisms really bummed me out. I like to immediately be good at everything, because I'm a total perfectionist. I know that I cannot be good at everything and I know that struggling at first with anything new is totally normal. Regardless, it all really bugs me. Tomorrow is a new day, though, and I can't fix the past, but I can change the future and that's exactly what I'll do. So watch out kiddos, tomorrow Miss Patterson is coming in happier and more excited than the pep squad! BOOM!

Tomorrow I'm meeting with one of the technology coordinators to learn some new, fun technology tricks to make lessons more interactive and fun for the students. I'm SUPER excited! Sure, I have to get up 15ish minutes earlier, but I think it'll be worth it. I'll be able to use these tips for summer school AND back at Baylor during my TA and Intern year. Get ready profs, because I'm gonna knock ya'lls socks off! :)

Today was rough, but there's always a silver lining...ya just gotta find it!